The Search For Truth

Ted found the key. It was the key to The Room. He had been searching for this key since he had heard about The Room. Many told him it was a myth. The room could not exist; it was only a fairy tale. But years of searching had led him to the post office, where the key was fabled to exist. Indeed, he had found the key there, but only after slaying the dreaded mail monster of the 12^th dimension.

Ted was weary after his travels, but he wanted to get to the room as soon as possible. He set off three days ago and had just now arrived at the building that housed The Room. Ted entered the building expecting opposition, but all he found was dust and spiders. He headed down towards the basement where the entrance to The Room was. In the basement, he found a wall that was a different color than the other walls. Ted grabbed a bat from the corner of the basement and swung at the wall. As it turns out, the wall was different from the others in that it was also made out of wood, not concrete. He kept swinging until there was an opening in the wall big enough for him to fit through.

The opening led to a dimly lit hallway. Ted followed this hallway. It went downwards and upwards, winded left and right, and went on for miles underground. Normally, Ted would have given up and walked away, but he wanted what was in The Room. He followed the extremely long hall way for twenty more minutes before he came to an area with two elevators.

Ted knew that he had to choose the right elevator. The wrong elevator would take him to a swampy area filled with alligators and Justin Bieber music. He desired to avoid that. Luckily, a wise old man at the post office imparted knowledge to him. He told Ted that the elevator that smelled of cheesecake would lead him to The Room. He sniffed around and immediately detected the delightful aroma of cheesecake. He picked that elevator.

He pressed the “^&” button on the elevator as that was the one that would take him to The Room. The elevator slowly went downwards while Ted thought of what would happen in the room. He was giddy. The elevator eventually stopped, and he left it. He looked ahead and saw a golden door. This was the door that led to The Room.

Ted thought about pondering the greatness of this, but he figured nobody had time for that shit. He opened the door and felt the greatness of The Room be thrown upon him. Ted looked around The Room and felt happier than anyone had ever been. He spotted what he had come to The Room for now. He saw the Ultimate Sphere of Truth.

Ted picked up the Ultimate Sphere of Truth. Immediately he felt every single truth in the entire universe fill his mind. He knew everything. Ted knew the exact weight of 11 school bus drivers. He knew how many aliens lived in the Andromeda Galaxy. He knew how humans came to be in the universe. All of this knowledge made him incredibly happy and humble.

Ted then searched for the ultimate truth. He came to this room for this device for a reason: he wanted the ultimate truth. He searched his mind for this new knowledge. He looked past all the cheesecake recipes and the rules of football for this truth. And he found it. In an instant, he knew the ultimate truth of the universe. What he knew made him cry, laugh, smile, frown, and sigh at the same time. He felt he knew his purpose in life as he discovered the very truth that everyone seeks to know in their lives. He found out that, indeed, he did leave the oven on.