Creepers Gonna Creep

It has occurred to me that there are a great many number of stalkers in the world. Most do their thing; stalking others from a distance. But there are a few stalkers who stalk improperly. Not many people know this, but there are proper rules for stalking. Since I have yet to find any official source of the rules of stalking, I thought I would inform the general populace of the rules. 

1.      1. Before stalking someone, please identify your reason for stalking. Possible reasons for stalking include:

a.       Love

b.      Hate

c.       Stakeouts (Although if this is the case, you might be undercover instead of stalking)

d.      You plan on replacing this person

e.       You want to know more about this person

f.       You are trying to figure out if this person is stalking you

2.      2. Once you figure your reason for stalking, you have to understand the goal of stalking. The goal of stalking is not to make someone love you. If you want someone to love you, quit stalking and ask the person out for some cheesecake. The goal of stalking isn’t about killing anyone as well. The goal of stalking IS to stalk. The stalker watches from afar and gathers information that they might never use. 

3.      3. The stalker watches from afar. They are never to be seen. The stalkee should only sense that there MIGHT be someone following them. They should never see the stalker and only sense their presence.

4.      4. If a stalker is seen, they are to deny that they are stalking. If the stalkee asks what the stalker is doing, they are to make jokes and lie. This is incredibly difficult to do if the stalkee catches you in their house, so make sure you choose your stalking locations wisely.

5.      5. Choose the time of the stalking wisely. If you stalk during the day, you can see your stalkee better, and there are other people to serve as distractions. However, if you stalk during the day, it is easier for the stalkee to see you. If you stalk at night, the stalkee has less of a chance of seeing you. However, if you stalk at night, there is an easier chance for the stalkee to get scared.

6.      6. The stalker should never hurt the stalkee. This includes physically, mentally, or emotionally. The reason stalkers should never be seen is because it may cause emotional or mental issues for the stalkee. 

7.      7. The stalker should never hurt the friends of the stalkee. This includes family and romantic partners. This would cause the stalkee undue mental or emotional issues which are prohibited by rule 6. 

8.      8. Stalking follows the three strike rule. If a stalkee sees you following them three times, they will call an authority. 

9 .    9. If an authority is involved, stalking should cease immediately. Eliminate any evidence that you were stalking (a good stalker never leaves evidence anyways). It may also be a good time to admit that you may have a problem. 

What do you think? Are there any other rules to stalking that I forgot? Do any of these rules make you believe that you are a stalker or maybe are being stalked by someone?