1. The White House is a bad place to do drug deals.
2. Never trust a man named Razor to babysit your children.
3. The world does not revolve around me, but I'm fairly sure the moon does.
4. Just because something looks like a raisin does not mean that it is a raisin.
5. Never trust someone who uses pseudonyms.
6. The White House is a bad place to bring your death ray.
7. People will try to steal all your good ideas which is why you need to come up with a few bad ones to mess with their heads.
8. No one is happy when you toss their laptop out of a moving car.
9. The Baha Men let the dogs out. They needed a scapegoat, however, so they appeared to be clueless about the culprit.
10. The White House is a bad place to admit your love for Michelle Obama
11. Life may seem bad, but at least I'm not a gerbil.
12. Lists are pretty cool.
13. You should always pursue what you want unless what you want will result in the death of millions of people.
14. There is no better band than Steve Perry-era Journey.
15. It is a bad idea to confess your love to someone via text.
And one more because I suck at math
16. The past is the past and the future isn't here, so you should always live in the moment.
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