The Search For Truth

Ted found the key. It was the key to The Room. He had been searching for this key since he had heard about The Room. Many told him it was a myth. The room could not exist; it was only a fairy tale. But years of searching had led him to the post office, where the key was fabled to exist. Indeed, he had found the key there, but only after slaying the dreaded mail monster of the 12^th dimension.

Ted was weary after his travels, but he wanted to get to the room as soon as possible. He set off three days ago and had just now arrived at the building that housed The Room. Ted entered the building expecting opposition, but all he found was dust and spiders. He headed down towards the basement where the entrance to The Room was. In the basement, he found a wall that was a different color than the other walls. Ted grabbed a bat from the corner of the basement and swung at the wall. As it turns out, the wall was different from the others in that it was also made out of wood, not concrete. He kept swinging until there was an opening in the wall big enough for him to fit through.

The opening led to a dimly lit hallway. Ted followed this hallway. It went downwards and upwards, winded left and right, and went on for miles underground. Normally, Ted would have given up and walked away, but he wanted what was in The Room. He followed the extremely long hall way for twenty more minutes before he came to an area with two elevators.

Ted knew that he had to choose the right elevator. The wrong elevator would take him to a swampy area filled with alligators and Justin Bieber music. He desired to avoid that. Luckily, a wise old man at the post office imparted knowledge to him. He told Ted that the elevator that smelled of cheesecake would lead him to The Room. He sniffed around and immediately detected the delightful aroma of cheesecake. He picked that elevator.

He pressed the “^&” button on the elevator as that was the one that would take him to The Room. The elevator slowly went downwards while Ted thought of what would happen in the room. He was giddy. The elevator eventually stopped, and he left it. He looked ahead and saw a golden door. This was the door that led to The Room.

Ted thought about pondering the greatness of this, but he figured nobody had time for that shit. He opened the door and felt the greatness of The Room be thrown upon him. Ted looked around The Room and felt happier than anyone had ever been. He spotted what he had come to The Room for now. He saw the Ultimate Sphere of Truth.

Ted picked up the Ultimate Sphere of Truth. Immediately he felt every single truth in the entire universe fill his mind. He knew everything. Ted knew the exact weight of 11 school bus drivers. He knew how many aliens lived in the Andromeda Galaxy. He knew how humans came to be in the universe. All of this knowledge made him incredibly happy and humble.

Ted then searched for the ultimate truth. He came to this room for this device for a reason: he wanted the ultimate truth. He searched his mind for this new knowledge. He looked past all the cheesecake recipes and the rules of football for this truth. And he found it. In an instant, he knew the ultimate truth of the universe. What he knew made him cry, laugh, smile, frown, and sigh at the same time. He felt he knew his purpose in life as he discovered the very truth that everyone seeks to know in their lives. He found out that, indeed, he did leave the oven on. 

Ye Olde Postal System

When it comes to sending correspondence, I feel that writing letters is better than typing emails, sending texts, calling someone, or communicating via Facebook. You could chalk this up to an opinion, but this is not subjective. This is completely objective. Writing a handwritten letter is completely better than all other forms of communication, and I shall tell you why.

First, consider the last time you wrote a letter. I will give you a few seconds as you might have to reach deep inside your mind to locate the last time you did so. The part of your mind where you store memories of your favorite cheesecake and how to turn switches. Okay, got it? How long did it take you to write said letter? It depends on how much you had to say along with other factors. The last time I wrote a letter, I took up five pages, and it took me about two hours to write it. It doesn’t take everyone this long, but it does take some time to write everything down. Think about that. If writing a letter takes this long, wouldn’t it follow that you’d have to care a great deal to write a letter to someone? I’d say yes which is why I feel so giddy every time I receive a handwritten letter. An email doesn’t tell you anything about how long it took the sender to type it. A text is sometime you can send in about a minute. But a letter takes some time to write. It lets others know that you care. Unless you wrote a hate letter. Then it lets others know that you hate them.

Second, try to remember the last time you received a handwritten letter? Again, try to dig deep in your mind to find the time. If you’re like me, and you grew up in the digital age, you might never have received a handwritten letter. You can count birthday and Christmas cards, but what about an actual handwritten letter. I have a friend who occasionally corresponds with me via letter, but the digital age has created Facebook which allows me to speak to them faster than a letter. This is why I feel so giddy when I receive a letter. It is a rarity today. I know that when I receive a letter it will be filled with goodies such as salutations, information about the writer, and silly small talk. It is an entire conversation on paper that you get to respond to and send back. On the other side of things, I feel great when I send a handwritten letter. I know that the recipient will feel the exact same way. I am brightening a day, and that makes me feel grand.

Thrice, think about the history of letter sending. It may be hard to remember a time when computers did not exist, but such a time did occur. People utilized a postal system to send letters. Before that, they corresponded by sending messengers with letters to each other. And before that, they traversed mountains and crossed rivers just to tell their friend a silly joke they heard. Letters were pretty important back then. They used them to discuss war strategy, gossip about the king/queen, and talk about the fate of the family farm. Most importantly, they used handwritten letters to express their love. Most of the famous poets of olden times wrote letters to their loved ones and remarked how much they loved their significant others. Writing love letters is the best way to express your love. Texts seem insulting, Facebook avoids confrontation, and email lacks the caring nature of letters. The best way to tell someone that you dig them is in person, but handwritten letters are a close second. Understanding this, do you feel our ancestors would be ashamed of us for using social media and cell phones to tell our loved ones how we feel? Probably, I’m guessing.

So there you have it. Three perfectly good reasons why you should start writing letters to everyone. You can still use technology for business and school reasons, but you should start writing letters to everyone immediately. Unless I am wrong. Are there any reasons why letters aren't better than social media, email, or text?

Creepers Gonna Creep

It has occurred to me that there are a great many number of stalkers in the world. Most do their thing; stalking others from a distance. But there are a few stalkers who stalk improperly. Not many people know this, but there are proper rules for stalking. Since I have yet to find any official source of the rules of stalking, I thought I would inform the general populace of the rules. 

1.      1. Before stalking someone, please identify your reason for stalking. Possible reasons for stalking include:

a.       Love

b.      Hate

c.       Stakeouts (Although if this is the case, you might be undercover instead of stalking)

d.      You plan on replacing this person

e.       You want to know more about this person

f.       You are trying to figure out if this person is stalking you

2.      2. Once you figure your reason for stalking, you have to understand the goal of stalking. The goal of stalking is not to make someone love you. If you want someone to love you, quit stalking and ask the person out for some cheesecake. The goal of stalking isn’t about killing anyone as well. The goal of stalking IS to stalk. The stalker watches from afar and gathers information that they might never use. 

3.      3. The stalker watches from afar. They are never to be seen. The stalkee should only sense that there MIGHT be someone following them. They should never see the stalker and only sense their presence.

4.      4. If a stalker is seen, they are to deny that they are stalking. If the stalkee asks what the stalker is doing, they are to make jokes and lie. This is incredibly difficult to do if the stalkee catches you in their house, so make sure you choose your stalking locations wisely.

5.      5. Choose the time of the stalking wisely. If you stalk during the day, you can see your stalkee better, and there are other people to serve as distractions. However, if you stalk during the day, it is easier for the stalkee to see you. If you stalk at night, the stalkee has less of a chance of seeing you. However, if you stalk at night, there is an easier chance for the stalkee to get scared.

6.      6. The stalker should never hurt the stalkee. This includes physically, mentally, or emotionally. The reason stalkers should never be seen is because it may cause emotional or mental issues for the stalkee. 

7.      7. The stalker should never hurt the friends of the stalkee. This includes family and romantic partners. This would cause the stalkee undue mental or emotional issues which are prohibited by rule 6. 

8.      8. Stalking follows the three strike rule. If a stalkee sees you following them three times, they will call an authority. 

9 .    9. If an authority is involved, stalking should cease immediately. Eliminate any evidence that you were stalking (a good stalker never leaves evidence anyways). It may also be a good time to admit that you may have a problem. 

What do you think? Are there any other rules to stalking that I forgot? Do any of these rules make you believe that you are a stalker or maybe are being stalked by someone?

The Obligatory Religious Post

It’s Valentine’s Day. Do you realize what this means? It’s time for a religious post. I’m not going to enforce my religious beliefs upon any of you. That would be crazy. This is just a post about something religious that I am doing. For my psychology of religion class, we have the opportunity to earn extra credit by performing a religious practice for one month (four weeks). The requirement is that you have to do a religious practice that is different from your own. I decided to choose fasting since it seems to play some part in various religions. In order to do this though, I had to pick a specific religion and use their fasting practice. I decided to use the Baha’i’ Faith’s practice of the Nineteen Day Fast. Yes, I know that nineteen days and one month do not sync. For this project, I am going to fast on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays for four weeks. This should amount to 12 days total. I realize that it isn’t as dedicated at the Ninteen Days Fast, but I still plan on learning something from the experience. I also plan on praying and meditating as per the religious protocols every day during this month. This is a major change to my everyday life. I am a mixture of agnostic and atheist, so I normally don’t pray or meditate or fast. Even when I was a child, my parents did not strictly follow their religious beliefs. As a result, I always likened praying to asking a genie for a wish. I have no idea what’s going to happen now that I am praying to a god. I don’t expect any major changes to my life after this project, but I have been wrong many, many, many, many times in the past. 

Also as a result of this project, I am going to deeply explore another religion. In order to fully understand why I am fasting, praying, and meditating, I have to have deeper knowledge of my religion. I do not think that there are any Baha’i Faith churches in the city that I live in or on my college campus, but I might be wrong. In the end, I feel that I will learn a great deal from this project, and I think it will allow me to better understand other cultures.

See? I didn't critique anyone's religion in this post. But Scientology is still stupid. 

15 Things I've Learned in My (Nearly) 21 Years of Existence

1. The White House is a bad place to do drug deals.

2. Never trust a man named Razor to babysit your children.

3. The world does not revolve around me, but I'm fairly sure the moon does.

4. Just because something looks like a raisin does not mean that it is a raisin.

5. Never trust someone who uses pseudonyms.

6. The White House is a bad place to bring your death ray.

7. People will try to steal all your good ideas which is why you need to come up with a few bad ones to mess with their heads.

8. No one is happy when you toss their laptop out of a moving car.

9. The Baha Men let the dogs out. They needed a scapegoat, however, so they appeared to be clueless about the culprit.

10. The White House is a bad place to admit your love for Michelle Obama

11. Life may seem bad, but at least I'm not a gerbil.

12. Lists are pretty cool.

13. You should always pursue what you want unless what you want will result in the death of millions of people.

14. There is no better band than Steve Perry-era Journey.

15. It is a bad idea to confess your love to someone via text.

And one more because I suck at math

16. The past is the past and the future isn't here, so you should always live in the moment.

Being Super

Wouldn't it be fantastic to have super powers? Wouldn't it be great to be able to read minds, travel at super sonic speeds, shoot lasers out of your eyes, or fly? It would be great IF we were able to defy physics and the rules of science in doing so. Assuming that these rules do not apply to us would make this hypothetical situation all the better. So what power would be the bestest?

I'm thinking super strength would be rather awesome. Being able to lift the heaviest things on Earth would come in handy. Also, you could take on anybody in a fight, and you would win...unless they also had strength as a super power. Another power that would be cool is telekinesis. Being able to move objects in the air to your desired location would save time. It would be like super strength in that you could carry the heaviest objects without actually having to hold anything. I would have to think that this power is based on the strength of your mind though, so you would have to mentally train yourself to lift especially heavy object. Another power which seems pretty awesome is super speed. Long distances mean nothing when you can travel at the speed of light. The problem with this power is what happens if you run into something. You're going to end up either dead or in a lot of pain. Perhaps your vision would need to have a super adjustment so that it could work at the speed that you would run.

What powers would be horrible then? Invisibility does not sound fun. I see no possible situation where you could use this to your advantage unless you were a spy, a pervert, or had a desire to listen to what people think about you. Another horrible power would be shooting lasers out of your eyes. It does sound like a great deal of fun, BUT think of how many people you would accidentally or purposely kill. You would be so tempted to use your power ever time someone made you angry. You can't use super powers in jail. One other terrible power would be mind reading. Being inside someone's mind could be cool, but not everyone thinks in a linear manner. It's hard to find the evil doer if the evil doer thinks about cheese a lot. Also, you would have to condition yourself to tune out the thoughts when you don't want to hear them. Constantly hearing inane thoughts would drive anyone crazy. Most importantly, I don't really want to people think mean things about me repeatedly.

So, now comes the most important question? How would you use your super powers? Would you use them for evil or for the benefit of humanity. While saving humanity would make me happy, it would get kind of boring. Humanity would expect you to save them every time they messed up something. They would take you for granted. It sounds terrible, but I would rather be a villain. I would like to be a villain with super strength. I could take what I wanted and no one could stop me. I would make the world bow before me. However, I do not have any super powers yet, so I will continue making the world a better place. But what about everyone else? What powers would you like to have and how would you use them?